Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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