Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
