We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
