im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
