Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
