All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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