Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
