Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
