Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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