So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
