just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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