So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
