so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
