tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
