Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
