its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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