wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We named our party play list daddy issues
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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