So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
