i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
