I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
