I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
4 words: hood of his car
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
