I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
