Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
