Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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