the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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