I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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