she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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