I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
