He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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