Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
