yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
