I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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