so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
