So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How naked do you want me to be?
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