he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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