i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
