what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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