but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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