I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
