Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
even my farts smell like vagina
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
