Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
a search helicopter?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
