Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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