what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
