Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
