problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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