He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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