Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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