The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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