did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
