i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
